October 2, 2000

This is a portion of a video that I created in Dec 07 for my grandparents. At the time we didn't know what 2008 was going to look like for them. They had just been put into a nursing home and I wanted to celebrate their life and to show my appreciation for them, after all I wouldn't be here without them. This is the portion that is my family, my mom (their daughter), my dad and me. I'm posting this because Thursday will be 8 years she's she passed away. And I think the song is expresses just how I feel. I love looking at pictures of my mom, I see myself. Vic says I look just like her. I'm even beginning to think I sound like her too. 9 years seems like such a long time ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. This year October is even a little more difficult for me b/c my father passed away October 21 last year. I figured if I went ahead and wrote something about it now then maybe Thursday won't be as difficult. I just wish she were here to see Madison grow up and this new little one. Time heals, it's not as hard as it once was. But, I still miss her everyday!!

Kilz or be killed

I think i have figured that we have used 20 can of oil based kilz on the condo. that's just crazy. and at around $20 a can that's even more crazy. I am so tired of breathing kilz, and nothing is odorless. I would be happy if I never had to use the stuff again. After this weekend Vic and I are completely done using kilz, we have primed every possible surface in the town home. (still smells like smoke though, hopefully that will go once we put new carpet in). I am so ready to get done fixing this town home. I am quiting by November 1. I figured it will be around 7 weeks until I'm due for baby #2 so that might be a good time to stop working on it. hopefully we can then put it up for sale. we really don't have that much left, but when we only have weekends to work on it, it takes awhile. by the first weekend in october we will have all the flooring in (except for the carpet) and then two weekends of racing (nascar and ihra) then we'll be finishing it up. HOPEFULLY. so if anyone needs an expert kilz painter, you know where to find one, but i can't guarantee that we will help :)

98 days to go

98 days or 14 weeks sounds like a lot of time. but, i think i'm starting to panic. ahhhhhh we are having another baby, ahhhhhhhhh. I'm not even close to being ready. there are so many other things that i have to finish up before this baby gets here. like finish fixing up our townhome so we can put it on the market. (i'm just tired thinking about it) plus i don't have any of the baby stuff out of storage and there are still many things that I need to purchase. 26 weeks today and i'm growing more uncomfortable. i've really only had about 5 good weeks during this whole pregnancy. my pregnancy with madison was SO different, it was GREAT up until the last month. i was so focused on my first pregnancy and this one i seem to just be surviving, on a daily basis. At least my surgery went well and i've gained back all the weight that i lost during that 6 or 8 weeks i didn't eat very much. food has never tasted better. :) even though i as stressed, not sleeping, over worked (and under paid, isn't that what they say), i am so excited about bringing baby ...... (oh yeah i can't tell you her name, it's a surprise) home. madison is also getting excited. she loves it when i read her "mom's having a baby". i think she can read it by herself now. she love to touch, talk to and kiss my belly. she says funny things like "she just kicked me" or "her feet stink" (that one always makes me laugh). i can't believe that madison is 3 1/2 and that we are REALLY having a second baby. I couldn't be happier. i just pray that everything goes well over the next 14 weeks and that my delivery goes better then the first. (my aunt and most of the world think i'm crazy for having a natural birth, AGAIN) Marty, i'm going to try really hard this time not to scare the other women. hehe

the only thing that I'm missing is my mom. i wish that she were here, and that madi and baby would know their nana. I just hope that she would be proud of me and my growing family. As october approaches i can feel it in the air, i know it's that time just by the way it smells. it's hard to believe that it will be 8 years. i get through the days better then i use to, but i still think about her and wonder what she would say about my curly blond haired, blue eyed little girl. i can hear her saying "one day you'll have one just like you" and I do, she may not look like me but she is every bit ME. Now that i'm a mother the hardest thing is not having her here to call and ask advice or just complain because madison is driving me crazy. I can hear her voice and i think i have a pretty good idea of what she would say. well apparently i've had a sappy night. i guess i just needed a good cry.