back at it

well i realize that i totally lost control!! and then i honestly believe that i had a good heart to heart with God!  and with an antidepressant and some extra vitamin D i feel like i'm getting back to the OLD me!! which to be honest i'm not even sure who that really is anymore!  i have been without a job for 16 months now and it's been a road i didn't feel i deserved, but i've been able to stay at home with my girls and enjoy the simple things.  yet, i haven't really been enjoying them.... i 'suffer' (i don't really like that word) from depression... big time. and it's been difficult just to leave my house.  i was feeling sorry for myself.  i was sad!! still holding on to the sadness of losing my mom and my dad and my grandfather and now watching my grandmother slowly die.  all i could think of is "when do i get a break?"  this year will be 10 years since my mom died.  and some days it still hurts like it was yesterday!   

but.... 

what saved me was GOD!! really, truly and honestly!!  and it is Pastor Steven Furtick who puts Gods words in to my heart!!  every week it as though he is speaking directly to me...  God wants me to do better, to be better, to get off the couch and change.. 

so that's what i am doing... slowly!!  i joined the YMCA and started working out 5 days a week and it's only week two but i'm so proud to say that i RAN my first mile today.  it might not be much to a lot of people but it's a lot to me... i've NEVER run a mile in my entire life.. seriously NEVER!!  

i am feeling better about ME and about my journey in life.  i may not see God's plan clearly right now but maybe He wants me to take care of me for once. (something my mom never did for herself) SO... we joined a church (which i talk about a lot these days, b/c it is amazing!! ) we joined the YMCA, we will soon be joining a community group with our church! We love living in Belmont!!