Mother's Day 2010

usually mother's day is awful for me! i almost dread mother's day and i usually ruin them most of the time.  this has been my 10th mother's day without my mother.  usually every holiday or big event is ruined because i dread the day, and if it isn't perfect that makes it worse.  but this year was different, i have a different out look, i'm in a better place... and i wasn't going to let anyone or anything ruin this day for me.  it was by far the best mother's day i've had (since i've only had 6). this year was different for one reason, i didn't dwell on the fact that my mother isn't here.  for the last 10 years i spend spent every holiday sad, wishing my mother was here. but this year i really believe that i have let go, i have let go of the guilt, anger, selfishness, and most of all i feel healed.  i can't change the past... i live for today!  ever since my mom died i've always said "sweat the small things because life is too short" but honestly i haven't.. i have never really been healed until now!  some might say it's the antidepressant i'm taking.. but i've been on those before and they've never made me feel like this.  happy, truly happy.  i have been saved by the grace of God.  i have finally let her go and i can breath again.  don't get me wrong, i love my mother and i still miss her, but i have two beautiful girls that need me and my sadness has been in the way for far too long.  so mother's day was awesome! just my girls and my wonderful husband!  what more could a girl ask for?